Dealing with Deadbeat Dads

Dealing with deadbeat dads is never pleasant. Almost three out of every four Black children are born in single parent homes. The reasons for this are vast and complex. Some of the culprits are government programs that seem to encourage single parent homes if the assistance is to be continued. others may be past practices, if the parent of the child was also born in a single parent home. Still other reasons may simply be good old fashioned arguments and disagreements. But if a single mother is dealing with a deadbeat father, there are still some things that she may be able to do to alleviate the situation or at least lessen the blows of dealing with a father who is absent.


Find Out The Root of the Problem

Why is the father a deadbeat? When dealing with a dead beat dad the cause may help fix the situation. Some fathers may be absent because they are not sure how to be fathers. They may feel that since they never had a father to raise them, they are not sure what to do. Other fathers may be less active in the child’s life for financial reasons. A jobless father may psychologically feel like less of a man so it might be hard for him to jump into a role of teaching someone else to be an adult. If the father has no real home to his own and is ashamed to have his children meet him there find neutral ground for them to meet.


Call a Truce

If the father has not been around and all the mother has offered in the last few exchanges are less than kind words then a truce may be needed. Continuing to fight with a man that could help raise your child is worthless. If the relationship you once had with the father is done, there is no more need for heated exchanges. Make the first step and explain that all is forgiven and set up a time for your child and their father to meet. If child support is backed up discuss with the father a feasible way to pay the back support.


Don’t Talk Bad About Dad

No one would blame a single mother for talking badly about a man impregnated a woman and did not help raise that boy or girl. The problem is that trash talking the father solves nothing. It only creates more hate for men in general in the household. Young men may grow up hating men and not knowing how to become mature fathers as they grow into adulthood. Young girls may never learn to trust men because of their mother’s ill will toward their father. Instead, explain to the children that their father meant well but things did not work out. Let them know that everyone makes mistakes and their father made one but it is time to move on.


Talk to His Mother

One problem that a deadbeat father creates is a child who only gets to know half of his/her family. Strike up a relationship with the mother of the father. Grandmothers may be able to kick start a bond between the father and children. If you are not currently getting along with the grandmother of your children, try to bury the past and start a lifelong relationship. There may be relatives that your children may bond with even if they never gain a great relationship with their father.


Dealing with a deadbeat father is not the end. Raising a child without father around is stressful and not the ideal situation but it can be done.


Photo Credit to Wendell

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